Understanding Abuse as a Pattern

Domestic violence is often described as a fight that got out of hand. For many people, it is something else: a pattern of behaviors used to gain or keep power and control over a partner or family member.

That pattern can include physical harm, but it can also include threats, isolation from friends and family, monitoring a phone or location, controlling money, constant criticism, or making someone afraid to say no.

Because abuse is about control, it is not caused by the person being harmed. It is also not simply a problem of anger or communication. Anger management alone does not address the beliefs and choices behind controlling behavior.

Abuse affects people of every gender, age, background, and income. Women and girls are disproportionately affected, and men can be survivors too. Every person deserves to be believed and supported.

If something in your relationship feels wrong, your experience matters. You do not need to label it perfectly to reach out to a trained advocate.